The Fascers: The (Fashion) Academy Awards

They came, they saw, they dressed to kill. Last night's Academy Awards was one of the most elegantly dressed awards shows I have seen in quite some time. The way I see it, those in attendance at the Oscar's usually take one of two roads fashion-wise:

Road 1) The Classic Beauty Look- timeless dresses-- think Audrey Hepburn, Casa Blanca, The Great Gatsby.

Road 2) The Experimental Look- eye catching, inspired looks to talk about--think Carrie from Sex and the City, French Haute Couture, the 80s.

Obviously Road 2 involves a little more risk. Some can rock it, and some can epically FAIL. In honor of the awards last night, I'm going to give out a few awards of my own. Welcome to Marisa's Fashion Academy Awards. The Fascer's. The dresses have made their mark on the red carpet and the votes are in.

The Fascer for Bell of the Ball goes to: Penelope Cruz in Balmain Haute Couture



Her dress has been criticized for being "a bridal gown" but in my opinion it looks like Belle's golden gown from Beauty and the Beast. And who doesn't love Beauty and the Beast? Cruz's gown was classic, feminine and stunning. While she definitely went down Road 1 and kept it safe, she looked nothing short of gorgeous.

The Fascer for Classiest Teen Queen goes to: Miley Cyrus



Gotta say, I loved this dress. It's beautiful, fun, and surprising. Didn't expect Miley to go out on a limb like this. Definitely in the category of Road 2; she's a 16 year old who went with a lesser known designer, Zuhair Murad, and went with a look that's received plenty of bad reviews. Despite the negative BS out there...this dress is amazing. AND despite the fact that I think she is a total snot, Miley looked amazing. I give her a Fashion High Five.

The Hot Fucking Mess Award goes to: Beyonce Knowles



All I have to say is: WTF? No Beyonce, no. BAD Beyonce. She looks like a black and gold plated mermaid on crack. Of course, this lovely ensemble is from her own fashion house, Dereon Couture. She will forever be admitted into the Fascer Hall of Fame for uglist fucking dress, ever.

Fascer for the Most Boring Dress on the Red Carpet: Meryl Streep



Meryl, we know you are old. But your style doesn't have to make you look OLDER. This dress was drab, boring, ugly, frumpy...she didn't even look like she was trying. And the stone grey color of her Alberta Ferretti dress, did absolutely NOTHING for her; definitely not representative of Ferretti's best work. Her daughter's dress outshined hers by lightyears. Come on now, it's the fricken Oscar's for goodness sake! Have a little fun Ms. Streep.

Fascer for the Dress I would be Most Likely to Wear: Jennifer Aniston



Simple, elegant, sparkeling, PERFECT! Miss Aniston out shined Jolie by a million miles! She took the best of both roads with her bold and beautiful fashion statement. The silvery-gold Valentino gown was eye catching yet modestly glamorous. her skin and hair looked golden next to the fabric of the satin gown, and she wore it with a pair of Jimmy Choo Jags; icing on the fabulous cake.

Fascer for the Best Dressed Goes to to: Sarah Jessica Parker



Always in character, Ms. Parker would have made Carrie proud last night. Her Dior Haute Couture white crindland gown was a show stopper to say the least. This gown put her in the best light, all night. Some fashionista police officers have dubbed this "Carrie's better wedding dress choice", but they can shove it. They're just jealous that they didn't get to wear it first. Bitches. And wasn't it fitting that she presented the awards for costuming? LOVED IT. Kudos to you Sarah Jessica, yet another awards show has come and gone and you haven't left your style out of step for even a moment.

So there you have it for the Fascer's 2009. Quite a show, I must say. Over all, the most prominent fashion themes I found were:
- WHITE- this was definitely a snow covered Oscar's
- Royal blue
- SPARKLE- glitz and glam was literally all over the red carpet
- Embellishment- between all the feather and sequins, there wasn't room for much else
- Classic, traditional formal wear- not too many fashion risk takers this year
- Hair pulled back and up

Oscar lessons learned:
- Red is FUG on almost everyone
- Just because your old, doesn't mean you have to dress like it
- Black is boring
- Mermaid dresses are for Ariel...let's keep them under the sea, shall we?

Oh and before I turn in, I have one more, rather important award to give out:

Fascer for the Person I Would be More than Willing to Walk Down the Red Carpet with:
ROBERT PATTINSON





He makes a girl want to move to Surrey, drink tea and eat crumpits for the rest of her life. And that messy hair...oohhh, do NOT get me started!

Until next year, keep it classy. No, seriously.