After reviewing London and Paris' shows from the past two weeks, I must admit that I feel like slitting my wrists ans drawing a warm bath. If, in order to stay fashionable next fall, I am expected to wear feathers and ridiculous head adornments all season, I would much rather commit fashion suicide. "What an extremist fashion diva," you say? I dare you to venture to the black abyss that is fashion week reviews and see for yourself.
Usually, when I feature I designer I do it with every intention of highlighting their work in a positive light. However, Alexander McQueen will not be so lucky this week. I am in a style depression and McQueen along with his nasty line of feathers and clown faces shall forever be dethroned and stripped of his title in my style bible. Prepare for true verbal assault, you fashion violator, you.
Yesterday in Paris, McQueen dared to be abstract by releasing his line of dramatic, misogynistic, and blatantly obsurd visions onto the runway. What resulted was nothing short of a fashion shit show. Think French crying clown mime meets Gothic feather factory and VOILA you have the Alexander McQueen FW 2009 runway show. But please do not let my bias sway you, observe some of my personal faves for yourself:
I mean, the possibilities are endless. It's Fall 2009 READY TO WEAR after all. And I am totally ready to wear that white feather jumpsuit with those 8 inch platform heels to my next dinner date. Or I could go out on a limb and be super classy with that giant houndstooth fur coat, lord knows that's a statement jacket! OR I could vomit all over Alexander McQueen and put him on my fashion shit list for being a disgusting abomination to the fashion world.
The question is: What the FUCK was he thinking? Is there meaning to this atrocity? But I doubt anyone truly knows the answer. According to Style.com, "This is a designer who has drawn so much poetry out of the past, yet this time his backward look appeared to be in something like anger, defiance, or possibly gallows humor. Some of the pieces, like a couple of swag-sided coats, seemed to be made of trash bags, accessorized with aluminum cans wrapped in plastic as headgear." Has he perhaps gone so far as to say, like the current economy, that fashion has no where to turn but down? May the fashion gods save our souls.
To top it all off, McQueen's Design-for-All line at Target also launched this week. At least this "cheap-o" line had a little more to show than his nightmare of a runway line. But even still, I'm not all that knocked out. If nothing else, it's very typical McQueen in concept, but hardly very typical Target in price.
One of the featured looks is a hideous blue "tattoo dress". At a whopping $80 for that nasty print, I would much rather get a real effing tattoo.
Some of the other pieces are all right, but nothing to write home about. I loved the smoke colored Studded Denim Jacket, a piece worthy of its price at $60, but it is already out of stock online and in the five stores closest to me. The line has only been out since Sunday, so I guess that's saying something. It means that his brand name does hold some authority in the fashion world, but that's all the more reason for him to be shunned for creating such an awful line for next season. You must give the people what they want, and if you fail to provide, prepare for the onslaught of verbal whiplash.
The signature tee he put out is also tres haute at only $23, but again, it is totally sold out in stores and online. LAME.
One dress that I did like for its simplicity factor, is actually one of the most un-McQueen pieces in the line. Go figure. The One-Shoulder Dress in Ebony is a fun, easy, comfy party dress. The bubble skirt bottom with the black jersey fabric makes it an easy fit on any body type and it's simple enough that you can dress it up with fun shoes, bangles and big earrings for a night on the town. And at $50, it's the perfect go to dress when you don't know what to wear. If you're feeling adventurous, I may suggest wearing a skinny patent leather belt in either black or a neon magenta or yellow around the waist of it to give it a different, more 80s style look. A word of advice, Target clothes usually run big, so either order true to your size or a size below to get the best fit.
All in all, minus some of the okay pieces in his Target line, McQueen gets a big fat F (as in FUGLY) in fashion from me for this season. Worst runway show ever, most over priced cheap-o line ever, fugliest overall performance ever. To summarize:
1) Sad clowns belong in the circus, not on the runway.
2) Tattoos belong on skin, not on dresses
3) Never pay more than $50 for a cheap designer dress at Target, otherwise it no longer really counts as cheap.
In the words of Styleyze: This Queen's reign is over. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
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