Vom-Worthy Trends: Socks with Sandals

I've never been a fan of the whole socks thing. I mean, I get it. They keep your feet from stinking up your shoes by absorbing sweat. But in all honesty, there isn't much else to them. And to me, unless I am at the gym, they will always be just that, ugly sweat absorbers.

Now sure, I can dig the whole tube sock look. It's retro and kinda fun. Yesterday, during Boston's Marathon Monday, socks were a necessary accessory to the "runners" outfits my roomies and I wore:

*Note: Marathon Monday is the one day a year where the Boston Marathon runs through Boston University's campus and hence there is no class that day. No class means that all students drink themselves into an awful oblivion while cheering the runners on. Yesterday Marathon Monday happened to fall on 420, increasing the blackout rate by at least 40%. If you don't know what 420 means, aside from the fact that it's a date in April, ask Mischa Barton. She thinks it's 420 everyday.

So yes, socks happened to be an essential accessory to the great success of my Marathon inspired outfit yesterday. But aside from that, socks are stupid. But you know what's especially stupid?? SOCKS WITH SANDALS.


This awful, disgusting excuse for a fashion trend this season makes me want to vomit through my nose. There are a number of reasons why I hate this trend, aside from the fact that it is aesthetically displeasing:

1) Sandals were created by the Romans with the intention of being worn on BARE FEET. Hence, socks with sandals is historically inaccurate.

2) Sandals are open toed, so as to expose the toes and the rest of the foot openly. Why on earth would you wear socks with a pair of sandals, hence masking the toes and defeating the purpose of an open toed piece of footwear?

3) Sandals were created for purposes of protecting one's feet in warm weather while still allowing the foot to breathe and sweat less in said warm weather. Socks with sandals not only make the foot sweat more but they allow no breathing room for the foot at all in warm weather. And if you are wearing socks with sandals in cold weather then WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING SANDALS AT ALL??? Put on some damn Ugg Boots, you asshole.

But try as we might, sandal-loving fashionistas cannot ban this heinous trend from rearing its ugly head from time to time. And let me tell you, now is apparently one of those times. In the 90's, Birkenstocks and socks were all the rage. The disgusting look ran rampant across the country via hippie chicks and dirty boys with acoustic guitars on college campuses everywhere. And now it strikes again.

Over the weekend, the ever popular Coachella rocked out in Indio, CA. A modern day Woodstock, this rock n' roll free-for-all brought about rockers, rollers, and cool kids from all across the nation. Coachella is like a stylists' promiseland. Experimental fashion statements are everywhere and the giant polo field is simply seething with style observations and findings galore. But, as I have found from my photo research from the weekend's events, there were many a fashion faux pas a brewing in that desert hippiefest as well.

So what happens when you have an awesome music festival in the middle of 90 degree weather and you add celebrity wanna-be cool kids to the mix? Chloe Sevigny happens. I have no words:




So, as can be witnessed from the crime scene photos above, Chloe had a bit of a run in with the fashion police over the weekend. She violated the NO SOCKS WITH SANDALS fashion law not once, but TWICE. Note the white and, I can barely contain myself, BLACK socks with sandals. A REPEAT VIOLATION! Because you know, it makes so much sense to wear socks with sandals when it's 90 degrees out, socks are completely necessary, right?! ::VOMITS::

Don't ask me how or why, as I have often looked to Chole Sevigny as a fashion icon, a goddess of style, if you will. But somehow, somewhere in the midst of the sweaty rock shows, the $8 beers, the filthy camping bathrooms and the boys with greasy hair...Chloe lost her fashionable dignity and gave into the trend we all love to hate. And with her one wrong move she made it onto Perez Hilton's, Just Jared's, and Go Fug Yourself's Worst Dress Lists for the week! Oh Chloe, how could you!?

At least Chloe has quite the fashion resume to back her up. Almost always on the Best Dressed List in US Weekly, People, and Star, Chloe usually knows her shit but does have a tendency to be experimental with her fashion statements. Well this experiment went a little too far, missy! So please, I beg of you, just because Chloe did it, doesn't mean you should. Who knows how many things she was under the influence of, her judgement was clearly jaded.


And for the record, in case you need a more credible source, according to Just Jared, UrbanDictionary defines socks with sandals as, "A footwear combination worn only by the fashion-challenged.” How's that for some justification? In the mean time, Chloe, I'll pray to the fashion gods to forgive you for your sins.